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They say that John Dillinger's penis is stored somewhere at the Smithsonian. It's not, which is a shame, because if it were there might have been an interesting movie made about it. As it is, though, we're left with Michael Mann's Dillinger picture “Public Enemies,” which is neither about Dillinger's penis nor the least bit interesting.

Mann seems to have utterly forgotten how to direct a movie. To say his characters are one-dimensional is to overstate their geometry and to say they're unsympathetic is to imply an emotional response to any of them. Not only is there no tension between any two characters, there's none between any two scenes, either. The movie trundles along in its internal chronological order with all the excitement of the digits changing on an odometer. (I initially wrote “digital watch” instead of “odometer,” but with the watch there was the tension of wondering just when the movie was going to end.)

There's been some notice taken of the attention to detail in the film - Mann redressed North Lincoln Avenue near the Biograph Theater in Chicago to the point of reinstalling long-gone streetcar tracks - and some inaccuracies have also been pointed out, but those details become academic if the movie is, as this one is, boring.

And the cast wasn't really given much to work with. Johnny Depp walks around managing to look a little like the real Dillinger while looking just like Johnny Depp. Dillinger's girlfriend Billie Frechette, played by Marion Cotillard, is pretty enough, but she doesn't do anything. It was nice, though, to hear Christian Bale as Melvin Purvis speak in something other than a John Connor/Batman whisper for a change.

It's nicely photographed - Mann knows how to set up a shot. There are a few beautifully filmic moments, such as when one of the bad guys is gunned down by Purvis's G-men during a night-time car chase. The camera, at ground level, looks over the dying gangster toward the backlit Purvis. A last puff of smoke from the criminal's spent submachine gun curls up into the light at the same time as the vapour from his last breath does.

But it all comes back to this: nothing much happens. Dillinger talks to Billie, J. Edgar Hoover talks to Purvis. Then some Tommy guns go off and a car races into the night. Lather, rinse, repeat, until Dillinger's luck runs, as we know it must, out.

Unfortunately for us, that luck's exit was preceded by our interest forty or fifty minutes earlier.

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27 September 2008 @ 11:46 am
One of the topics of the pillow talk between me and the Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet last night was about how often we'll talk about a well-known person and that person dies within a few days of our mentioning him or her. Of course, it doesn't always happen that way, as she pointed out to me:

"What about Paul Newman? You and your Celebritology friends have been predicting that he was going to die," she said.

I protested that we had only commented on reports in June that one of my very favourite actors had lung cancer, not that we were predicting his imminent demise.

And then, this morning, at the top of the Washington Post's homepage, was the news that he was gone.

Well, when life hands you lemons...

So, here's the deal: you send me $29.95 and a name, and the Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet and I will talk about that person. We guarantee that the name you send us will slough off this mortal coil, ring up the curtain and join the choir invisible. Eventually.

Act now, before someone else sends us your name!

 
 
Music: Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head
 
 
As he waited to catapult the van into a hole in the traffic on Sixth Street, Van Pool Bob noticed the sign for the veterinary technicians' school in a window across the street.

After a brief discussion of the duties of a veterinary technician, Bob began to reminisce about a movie he'd seen involving a veterinarian.

"It starred a gal - lovely gal - who moves from the city to the country," he said. "Oh, what was her name?" he asked himself as he tried to remember. "She's an older lady."

"Jimmy Stewart?" Van Pool Barb suggested.

"No, not that old."

As Bob laid out more details of the plot, it became clear that he was referring to 1987's Baby Boom.

"I want to say her name is Cannon," Bob said, "but that's wrong."

Van Pool Sherri, in the seat beside me, threw Bob a lifeline. "Is it Diane Keaton?" she suggested.

"Eaton?" he replied.

"No, Keaton," she said. "KEE-TON."

"Oh, Diane Keaton!" exclaimed Bob. "I think that's her."

"Michael Keaton?" asked Van Pool Barb.

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Music: The Name Game
 
 
18 July 2008 @ 04:03 pm
Went to see the new Batman movie last night. The action scenes - the car chases, CGI, things blowing up and whatnot were pretty standard fare. Christian Bale was fine, although his Batman voice was annoying (they got it by processing it to sound like a whisper in a tunnel, then amplifying it to normal voice levels). Aaron Eckhart was very good as the other hero of the story, Harvey Dent. And Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Gary Oldman were all fine too. Ultimately, though, Christopher Nolan could have left their scenes on the cutting room floor.

But Heath Ledger was amazing. He stole almost every scene he was in - and the ones he didn't steal, he grabbed by the throat, flipped them onto their backs, tore the skins off 'em, chewed 'em up, spit 'em out, and then looked around like he was thinking, "Okay, who's next?"

His scenes were a mixture of raw twitchiness, pathos, anger, humour, irony, sarcasm, malice, glee and a hundred other emotions, all playing across a face that looked like someone on a bender had done the makeup for Pagliacci.

A tour de force. That's what his performance was. In-fucking-credible.

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From: Fandango Confirmations <confirmation@fandango.com>
Subject: Fandango Purchase Confirmation - Please Read
To: [The Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet]
Date: Thursday, July 17, 2008, 3:37 PM


Thanks for ordering from Fandango.com! Your purchase information appears below.
Click here now to claim your Special Reward from our preferred partner!

***********************************************************
SHOWTIME & THEATER DETAILS
***********************************************************
Movie: The Dark Knight
Date: Thursday, July 17, 2008
Time: 12:01am (late Thu. night)
Quantity: 4 Adult


Either The Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet just purchased tickets to a movie that played fifteen and a half hours earlier, or someone at Fandango feared riots in theaters across the country late Friday night as mobs clamoured to be admitted to the 12:01 a.m. show on July 18.

Now, about the Newmanium...

* )

 
 
Music: Does Anybody Know What Time It Is?
 
 
 
 

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