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From my hometown newspaper's website earlier today:
O, the humanity!
O, the humanity!
1 comment | Sez you.
byoolin's trebuchet
Cogito, ergo perfututus.
14 June 2009 @ 07:35 pm
13 May 2009 @ 11:26 pm
There's video floating around on the internet of a California Highway Patrol officer kicking a man in the head while the man is lying face-down on the grass waiting to be arrested. He'd jumped out of a car at the end of a high speed chase and made a run for it, then gave up without any further resistance. The video (I've linked to it after the cut) clearly shows the CHiP punting the guy in the noggin. It's just another fine example of the old mantra, "There's never a cop around when you need one, and when there is, odds are good the guy's a real piece of work."
But, as Arlo Guthrie once sang, this isn't a song about Alice.
The Huffington Post's piece about the incident includes a section for reader comments that, for me, is a perfect distillation of what the worst of the right-wing-nutbar community embodies (not conservatives or Republicans generally, I hope, but that specific subset that has done so much to make Hannity, Limbaugh, Coulter and Savage so rich in the last few years).
Look at what our friend "ProudlyConservative42" had to say about the CHiP's George Blanda impression:
I'm especially grateful to see "ProudlyConservative42" suggesting that if only America were MORE LIKE North Korea or Iran things would be better, at least as far as crime goes. Is this why my father died in World War 2 defending the American Way Of Life*? So that guys like "ProudlyConservative42" could just throw away the Constitution and the Rule of Law, and instead emulate the Communists or the ayatollahs? This guy is so upset about All The Things That Are Wrong With America that he can't even see straight.
Which makes it very hard for him to aim his bile effectively.
*Certain dramatic details were changed to better illustrate my point. In real life, my father did not die in World War 2 defending the American Way Of Life. He was too young to serve, and also not an American, but that doesn't mean it couldn't have happened like I described it.
( Jon & Ponch never did this, but I'll bet Sgt. Getraer wasn't above administering a little Size 10 justice. )
But, as Arlo Guthrie once sang, this isn't a song about Alice.
The Huffington Post's piece about the incident includes a section for reader comments that, for me, is a perfect distillation of what the worst of the right-wing-nutbar community embodies (not conservatives or Republicans generally, I hope, but that specific subset that has done so much to make Hannity, Limbaugh, Coulter and Savage so rich in the last few years).
Look at what our friend "ProudlyConservative42" had to say about the CHiP's George Blanda impression:
I'm especially grateful to see "ProudlyConservative42" suggesting that if only America were MORE LIKE North Korea or Iran things would be better, at least as far as crime goes. Is this why my father died in World War 2 defending the American Way Of Life*? So that guys like "ProudlyConservative42" could just throw away the Constitution and the Rule of Law, and instead emulate the Communists or the ayatollahs? This guy is so upset about All The Things That Are Wrong With America that he can't even see straight.
Which makes it very hard for him to aim his bile effectively.
*Certain dramatic details were changed to better illustrate my point. In real life, my father did not die in World War 2 defending the American Way Of Life. He was too young to serve, and also not an American, but that doesn't mean it couldn't have happened like I described it.
( Jon & Ponch never did this, but I'll bet Sgt. Getraer wasn't above administering a little Size 10 justice. )
05 May 2009 @ 12:01 pm
The Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet and I were carjacked by a little old lady earlier today.
We were driving home from the grocery store (a.k.a. "The Kroger") when a little old lady - height: five foot nothing, weight: a handful of dry leaves - stepped out onto the pavement of Edgwood [sic] Street and flagged us down.
My wife lowered her window as we pulled to a stop. "Can I help you?" she asked.
"Would you happen to be going to or near the Chase Bank by the Exxon station?" the little old lady asked.
I started to say no, because we weren't, but The Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet remembered that she did, in fact, have to go to the bank and interrupted me to invite her to hop in.
She got in the car and sat in the back seat, alternating between gasping for breath and repeating to herself, "Marcella, Marcella." She explained the gasping as being something she does all the time whenever she exerts herself now but did not explain "Marcella." I assumed it was her name. She told us that today was the day her Social Security check gets deposited and that she had been waiting for the bus but thought the chances were good that someone going through the neighbourhood might be going to the bank.
I thought about warning her of the dangers of hitch-hiking but decided against it. What centenarian wants to be lectured on lifestyle choices by a forty-something whippersnapper, after all?
We had a lovely chat as we drove to the bank - my wife volunteered us to bring her back, too - and they both went in and did their business. We dropped off the little old lady and her wallet stuffed with Social Security cash in front of her house.
If anyone asks, that's the last time we saw her. Okay?
We were driving home from the grocery store (a.k.a. "The Kroger") when a little old lady - height: five foot nothing, weight: a handful of dry leaves - stepped out onto the pavement of Edgwood [sic] Street and flagged us down.
My wife lowered her window as we pulled to a stop. "Can I help you?" she asked.
"Would you happen to be going to or near the Chase Bank by the Exxon station?" the little old lady asked.
I started to say no, because we weren't, but The Lovely Mrs. byoolin's trebuchet remembered that she did, in fact, have to go to the bank and interrupted me to invite her to hop in.
She got in the car and sat in the back seat, alternating between gasping for breath and repeating to herself, "Marcella, Marcella." She explained the gasping as being something she does all the time whenever she exerts herself now but did not explain "Marcella." I assumed it was her name. She told us that today was the day her Social Security check gets deposited and that she had been waiting for the bus but thought the chances were good that someone going through the neighbourhood might be going to the bank.
I thought about warning her of the dangers of hitch-hiking but decided against it. What centenarian wants to be lectured on lifestyle choices by a forty-something whippersnapper, after all?
We had a lovely chat as we drove to the bank - my wife volunteered us to bring her back, too - and they both went in and did their business. We dropped off the little old lady and her wallet stuffed with Social Security cash in front of her house.
If anyone asks, that's the last time we saw her. Okay?
22 April 2009 @ 11:25 am
These poems are composed entirely of subject lines of emails in my spam filter. Spelling and capitalization remain unchanged; all I have done is arrange them and given them titles.
Three Rhyming Couplets
You can visit public pool
as you know you have big tool.
You will impress
and you will have success.
You want to have your stick
big and nice, long and thick?
----------------------
Dancing With The Stars
Urgent! Timberlake distraught with grief
Watch humiliation of Hollywood-star wannabies
Disgrace on you!
----------------------
Haiku: In This Economy
Treble the pleasure
Sharpen your male bayonet
Your job is at stake.
----------------------
Don't Make Me Come Up There!
You want to impress your girlfriend tonight?
Worried that tiny size will get you down?
You are ashamed to take off you jacket because of your obesity?
Cant perform her desires?
Your little friend makes you feel unneeded?
Still busy to answer?
Are you still busy to answer?
Explain, where do you sit?
----------------------
Boys' Change Room
Measure Up to the jocks
Pink, wet, and shaven
Elixir of delightful nights
----------------------
Personal Computing
Your wife need your attention? Solve all the problems with IT.
Save on quality sfotware!
Only original and fully functional versions!
Start using your software immediately after purchase.
Don't be a fuddy-duddy...use the sotfware everyone's using...
PDF it and it is a lot of another
----------------------
(Three dates)
Lunch Date
What's best time for lunch
Haven't u said 4 p.m.? Waiting for u
I'm tired to wait for you
Dinner Date
Best way to cure yourself
one night stands are easy
Please take me home
Date Of Your Death
Date of your death
Dollar will be cancelled!
The size has huge value!
----------------------
The Spam Commandments
These are new rules for you
Live longer life without cigarettes
Smile all the time - smiling prolongs your life.
Make yourself thicker and longer today
empower your belove sexual experience
Stop disappointing her in bed
The confidence comes in the course of time and the sizes.
For sure, you will feel more pleasure after a short course of enhancing.
Yeah, keep ignoring, keep hiding
Grow and grow
----------------------
...and I can't believe I got an email from Charles Dickens.
I can't believe you helped me save over $1000 on this watches.
----------------------
Ode To Sue, The New Girl In The Office.
Loosing wife? Solution-near
You've received an answer to your question
Your life is empty and meaningless? We will fill it with new impressions.
Make magic happen in her
lift your sweet couch experience
support your sweet couch experience
Power up your bedroom magic
Triple the power, quadruple the pleasure
You will like the reflection of your tool in the mirror.
You know she wants it big
Don't watch yourself while hanging over
Become an unforgettable, professional and stylish lover.
You can use your tool anytime you need now.
Look confident and fabulous in your new bikini.
You'll have all the class, and still have all your money.
Sue was shocked at my new length
She loves how I feel in her now
spring men power.
----------------------
Disgusting Hoffman's Act
Disgusting Hoffman's act
In, out, smooth
Double the pleasure
Treble the pleasure
(Triple the power, quadruple the pleasure)
----------------------
Music: Don't Tell Me What The Poets Are Doing - Tragically Hip
15 April 2009 @ 10:27 am
By now just about everybody who's heard of Teh Internets has also heard of Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old Scottish woman who blew the socks off the panel of the UK tv series "Britain's Got Talent." Judges Simon Cowell, Piers somebody and the blonde sat stunned at the gorgeous voice of the - let's face it - frumpy spinster as she sang, sounding like a choir of angels.
There's already talk of a record deal. But selling records (excuse me, CDs) and songs on iTunes isn't just about the sound. She'll need an image and the one she's got just ain't gonna cut it, so get ready for the full extreme makeover treatment.
Before...
Image at The Mirror
( ...and after )
There's already talk of a record deal. But selling records (excuse me, CDs) and songs on iTunes isn't just about the sound. She'll need an image and the one she's got just ain't gonna cut it, so get ready for the full extreme makeover treatment.
Image at The Mirror
( ...and after )