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22 April 2009 @ 11:25 am
The Found Poetry of The Gmail Spam Filter.  
These poems are composed entirely of subject lines of emails in my spam filter. Spelling and capitalization remain unchanged; all I have done is arrange them and given them titles.




Three Rhyming Couplets

You can visit public pool
as you know you have big tool.

You will impress
and you will have success.

You want to have your stick
big and nice, long and thick?

----------------------

Dancing With The Stars

Urgent! Timberlake distraught with grief
Watch humiliation of Hollywood-star wannabies
Disgrace on you!

----------------------

Haiku: In This Economy

Treble the pleasure
Sharpen your male bayonet
Your job is at stake.

----------------------

Don't Make Me Come Up There!

You want to impress your girlfriend tonight?
Worried that tiny size will get you down?
You are ashamed to take off you jacket because of your obesity?
Cant perform her desires?
Your little friend makes you feel unneeded?

Still busy to answer?
Are you still busy to answer?
Explain, where do you sit?

----------------------

Boys' Change Room

Measure Up to the jocks
Pink, wet, and shaven
Elixir of delightful nights

----------------------

Personal Computing

Your wife need your attention? Solve all the problems with IT.
Save on quality sfotware!
Only original and fully functional versions!
Start using your software immediately after purchase.
Don't be a fuddy-duddy...use the sotfware everyone's using...
PDF it and it is a lot of another

----------------------

(Three dates)

Lunch Date

What's best time for lunch
Haven't u said 4 p.m.? Waiting for u
I'm tired to wait for you

Dinner Date

Best way to cure yourself
one night stands are easy
Please take me home

Date Of Your Death

Date of your death
Dollar will be cancelled!
The size has huge value!

----------------------

The Spam Commandments

These are new rules for you
Live longer life without cigarettes
Smile all the time - smiling prolongs your life.
Make yourself thicker and longer today
empower your belove sexual experience
Stop disappointing her in bed
The confidence comes in the course of time and the sizes.
For sure, you will feel more pleasure after a short course of enhancing.
Yeah, keep ignoring, keep hiding
Grow and grow

----------------------

...and I can't believe I got an email from Charles Dickens.

I can't believe you helped me save over $1000 on this watches.

----------------------

Ode To Sue, The New Girl In The Office.

Loosing wife? Solution-near
You've received an answer to your question
Your life is empty and meaningless? We will fill it with new impressions.

Make magic happen in her
lift your sweet couch experience
support your sweet couch experience

Power up your bedroom magic
Triple the power, quadruple the pleasure
You will like the reflection of your tool in the mirror.

You know she wants it big
Don't watch yourself while hanging over
Become an unforgettable, professional and stylish lover.

You can use your tool anytime you need now.
Look confident and fabulous in your new bikini.
You'll have all the class, and still have all your money.

Sue was shocked at my new length
She loves how I feel in her now
spring men power.

----------------------

Disgusting Hoffman's Act

Disgusting Hoffman's act
In, out, smooth
Double the pleasure
Treble the pleasure
(Triple the power, quadruple the pleasure)

----------------------




 
 
Music: Don't Tell Me What The Poets Are Doing - Tragically Hip